Tender. Liquid. Fruity. Hot.
As I sat to write this week’s post, I was angry. Hot. My father would use the word “hot” when he referred to the heat of anger. You see, I had just been told by a friend that some thoughts I expressed were “emotional.” I explained that my thoughts about the thing itself had not been emotional, but since the thoughts had been labeled “emotional,” well, yes, emotional was now what I was feeling because I felt I needed to defend myself. I was hot. Angry. Yes, boys and girls, anger is most certainly an emotion.
So, lucky for me, after this little exchange, I was scheduled for an acupuncture treatment. Acupuncture is great for balancing the emotions. With needles in my face to calm my sinuses, and another needle in the middle of my forehead to calm me down, I experienced a river of emotions–all good, all placed within me by God. Every emotion is a beautiful reminder that I am a human being not a robot, and that feeling what I feel is to feel the creative, artistic energy of God. I am a work of art.
As I drifted into a soft sleep, I felt a liquid-like sadness. I was sad because I was tired of defending my emotions. Sad because people are so afraid to feel. I felt sad because throughout history, ignorant people have lobbed all kinds of aggressions at people to shut down the right to feel–especially, it seems, women. Remember lobotomies, treatments for “hysteria,” sanatoriums, all the various kinds of nonsense to keep women from expressing what they feel?
Men do have feelings. My acupuncturist–a man–said so. They just fear (ummm…an emotion) their feelings. Fellas, unexpressed anger can lead to chronic sadness. Chronic sadness can lead to depression. Depression, a confluence of unexpressed emotions, can lead to addictions. Addictions repress the emotions. Repressing emotions leads to…you get the vicious circle.
Looking at the thinner-than-hair needles in my arms and legs I thought about what my mother would think of acupuncture, and I began to laugh. I felt myself relaxing into joy, and I felt the energy as it started in my belly and bubbled up like fruity champagne to my throat. My face relaxed into a broad smile, an expression of–heh, heh–emotion.
It’s this chronic repression of feelings that results in—primarily men—blowing up work places and co-workers, flying small planes into IRS buildings, and all other sorts of passive aggressive expression. You see, you cannot hide emotions. Emotions will have their say.
In my semi-sleep state, I heard my acupuncturist talking to someone. He asked “Are you tender here?”
“Tender” is one of my all time, super favorite words. No other sound expresses the softness, surrender, and release of love. The supreme emotion.
Now some would say that this post is emotional. Yes. It is. But, that’s the price of being a human and not a robot.
Stay in the company of lovers.
Those other kinds of people, they each
Want to show you something.
A crow will lead you to an empty barn,
A parrot to sugar. (Open Secret: Versions of Rumi by John Moyne and Coleman Barks)
Every peak moment has been flooded with emotion, and when I’m really lucky, that emotion has been love.
Sala, I just read this and several back entries. I am smiling and have been smiling throughout. I feel uplifted as I read your words. Sometimes an artful phrase itself will pop me up, your craft with words giving a lightly new perspective.
Confidence – a certain emotion coupled with conviction and a willingness to stand out – is a theme that’s been popping up lately. Part of confidence for this woman is owning and welcoming my feelings, no apologies, just a sense of rightness.
Thank you for your comments. It makes me happy that my words make you happy. Yes, confident in welcoming and embracing our feelings. No apologies. I love that!
Having been a wife (twice) and the mother of two now 20-something males, I think men are simply wired differently than women. That is, they experience emotion differently and that some emotions are driven, to some extent, by hormones. Now, of course, this is a totally broad generalization–there are some men who are more emotional than some women–but, as a broad over-generalization, women seem, to me, to be more “emotional” by instinct and also definitely more communicative. I guess “emotional” becomes a pejorative when used as meaning “out of control”.
Suzanne, thank you for reading and for writing. I agree with you that some men are more emotional than women. And for sure we can’t color the whole picture of men and women’s emotions with a single paint brush. Not being a scholar or mental health professional I don’t want to wade too deeply into certain waters. But as a person who has experienced being told — from as early as childhood — that my emotional responses are not good, I have grown to see that my emotional responses are not only good, but my protection. My emotions are like a 6th sense that can spot whether something is good or not good for me. I can *feel* my emotions in my body.. That’s probably why acupuncture is so powerful for me.
I praise and uphold Woman’s right to spiritual and intuitive strength in her ability to communicate emotionally. Being able to know what we feel is so much the best part in being alive. At some point, maybe I’ll go into the whole path I’ve walked in learning to recognize and embrace my emotional states. It doesn’t mean necessarily acting out of a particular state, but just knowing that they are a piece of the hard-wiring and accepting them for what they are: a part of the beautiful tapestry of the human body. For now, hopefully, the stories and experiences in the blog will cheer women on.
I love your blog! (Emotional response…:-) )