I LOVE it when science and God kiss.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Kwanza.
Happy New Year.
I LOVE it when science and God kiss.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Kwanza.
Happy New Year.
Posted in Writing from the heart
Tagged Commentary, creative nonfiction, Humanity, inspiration, Opinions, spirituality, world view
It’s always tricky to attempt to write about something as lofty as devotion. Words of faith and truth and high ideals have an energy that, if not approached in just the right way, can backfire miserably. But I like to think that since this blog is basically experiential, not scholarly, I can attempt to express my take on any word or words.
On devotion. I remember praying to have the experience of devotion. I felt as though I had no commitment to anything or anyone. And I can tell you, that was a very low moment. I recognized that folks were devoted to their work, families, communities, politics, and addictions. Where, I wondered, does my devotion lie?
Recently, a friend’s father died. I was reading the obituary, and the words were so powerful that I almost cried. He was 99, and the sentence that moved me stated “he is survived by his devoted wife of 70 years…” Seventy years!?! Most of us can’t figure out how to be devoted to a candy bar for three minutes, let alone to a person for more than five. I can count on one hand the number of couples I know who’ve been devoted to each other for more than 20 years. Do we even know what devotion means anymore?
I was blessed to grow up with noteworthy examples of devotion: devotion to God and church; devotion to work; devotion to relationships; devotion to a better life. It was a challenging time in black history, and for some families even personal relationships were extremely rocky. But I saw something in them that the obituary triggered in my memory: in that world, people didn’t change partners like socks because they were devoted to something–bigger. Devotion is linked to thriving. (So says me, but argue if you want to…)
About two years ago, I went to a couple of house blessings where a Brahmin priest was offering prayers of protection and prosperity for the families who lived in the homes. These were families who I would describe as very devoted to God. When I say devoted to God, I mean that kind of focus where a person feels that everything they do and everyone they meet is a result of the love of that Source – – whatever you want to call it.
Now, there were a couple of things about these blessings that caught my attention. The first was the respectful and loving way that the families welcomed the visiting priest and his wife. The second, and I remember being fixated by it, was what I interpreted as the devotion of the priest’s wife to her husband while she assisted him in the ceremonies. I couldn’t stop watching her.
What was that look on her face? Now, there is one thing I know for sure–and I want to be clear about this. Devotion is not mental slavery. Devotion is not blind allegiance. Devotion is not accepting abuse or humiliation. Devotion is not swimming in self-hatred to idolize another. Clear? Okay.
Pure devotion — however off-the-mark we observe it to be — is linked to the heart. So, I’m back to my question. Where does my devotion lie?
I am devoted to nature. I’m devoted to blue skies, bright sun, and ocean breezes. I’m devoted to people who work the land and provide the food that allows me to offer meals to friends and family.
I am devoted to democracy.
I want to think that I’m devoted to prayer and God and the world that this great Source created. Not too long ago, I met a woman who talked about her devotion to her spiritual path. Her path is different from mine. But when I looked at her face, I really got her love for her God. And I guess that’s the key. Devotion is linked to love. So says me; argue if you want to…
And that, my friends, is my word for today. Devotion.
Posted in Writing from the heart
Tagged Commentary, creative nonfiction, essay, inspiration, values and spirituality
One of my favorite guys, (I call him Billy Shakes), wrote in Hamlet:
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them…
This morning, I’m taking liberty with Shakespeare’s words:
To feel, or not to feel, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to acknowledge a sea of repressed emotions
And by embracing them heal them.
Love, they say, makes you do the unthinkable. This complex blend of joy, surrender, acceptance, risk, adventure and courage is a fire under our butts to make us live fully.
For love of freedom, their families, and a chance to thrive, my parents, and hundreds of thousands of other folks’ parents, came north during the Great Migration of African-Americans in the mid twentieth century. They were looking to survive, thrive, and make a difference in their lives. All the words of the poets, sociologists, rappers, and humanitarians—for centuries—will never convey the emotion involved with that movement.
For some, it worked out very well. For others—not so much.
I don’t know that my mother ever really knew, or acknowledged, what her real feelings were. Rage masked the pain of sacrifice. She’d left behind her beloved parents, a job as a working teacher—a career that is so much a part of her identity that she remembers this if nothing else these days—in order to move to an area of the country she didn’t know and raise, in poverty, five children that were not in her life plans. Over the years, she swallowed her truth and regurgitated rage. I watched, listened, fought back, and learned.
Unexpressed truth is like an ever-present itch. The only salve is to recognize true feelings, learn to express them appropriately, and make choices that allow one to live an emotionally healthy life. The process, for sure, can be a long, slow, and psychically painful one. And not everyone is up for the task.
Today, when I see my mother drop back in time and wander in that place where she ran on a farm, sang with the birds, ate freshly picked peaches, and idolized her father, my own emotion is sadness.
“Here, doggie,” she says with leftover food. “Give this to the dogs,” she says in a child-like voice.
There are no dogs here today, but I won’t argue. I say “okay” and tuck the food, when she’s not looking, into the garbage. She lives, now—so much of the time—in a place where her emotions are softer–and free.
I am fortunate. My choices in life have given me the opportunity to learn how to feel—and express my emotions creatively. I sing, I write, I journal. I chant, and when I’m disciplined, meditate. I make an effort to say what I am feeling in a kind, respectful, and truthful way. When what I have to say is not received and the conversation floats to anger, the person ends up on a page. Yep. I will not repress my emotions.
It was once taught, even in my nuclear and extended family, that children should be seen and not heard. I’m happy to see that my siblings have chosen to raise children who laugh, get angry, express sadness, and show their feelings openly. The old rules about emotional response are as dead as pulled weeds. My nieces and nephews speak their minds, invent their stories, write, sing, dance, and ice skate with passion and freedom.
At the end of the day, being honestly connected to our feelings is our saving grace and a benefit to our community. Men in touch with and able to express their true feelings in a healthy way do not go ballistic in the work place, shooting up friends and co-workers. Women who feel safe in sharing their range of emotions in a healthy way do not murder their children, their husbands, or themselves.
Emotions count. The spectacular spectrum of energies that pass through our bodies every day in the form of joy, love, sorrow, anger, fear, and more are here for a reason. Emotions are the underpinning to creativity: songs, stories, theater, sports marathons, raising healthy children…We sing, speak, cook, run, and dance our emotions.
Emotions are the gift and evidence of being alive, a human being—not a robot.
Posted in Writing from the heart
Tagged Commentary, creative nonfiction, Emotion, Feelings
On: Strength
It was never intended for these pages to trickle into a diary. You know—”today I did this, yesterday I did that.” But it’s Spring. I’ve been through autumn and winter, and I realize that for six months I’ve been living a life I never saw coming. So, I find myself using these pages to write about a world that I would rather ignore because it helps me keep some semblance of sanity. The words I’ve written have felt, a little too often, dark even when the words themselves are bright.
But I wanna track back to the beginning, to the color, vision, and power of language. So in a hopscotch fashion, I have leaped around to land on: Strength.
Endurance, vigor, physical power, potency. How to define the ability to withstand and overcome the curve balls of life? I am not the only one with diary-producing issues. At least three people I know have lost parents; another had a serious operation; and yet, another has been trying to heal in the wake of separation from a 35-year-old marriage.
What, I ask my God, do you want us to learn? Could it be how to maintain equanimity under pressure? Perhaps it’s a subtle directive to keep our hearts open in spite of the ignoramuses we encounter (see?). Perhaps it’s as simple as a desire and need to find love within our courage.
I asked a minister if his faith was ever tested.
“Yes. Every day.”
“What do you do?”
No, I’m not a skeptic. I just want to hear what I know is the answer.
“Pray without ceasing.”
That’s all I wanted to hear.
I’ve been depending on the view from my window to help fill me up. In the morning, I watch the clouds gather. They are snuggled together like sheep, or like cotton balls with soft, tangerine colored edges. Some days they are scary in their weighted grayness. And some days, the sky has no clouds at all. I admit it: those are great days.
In the wee morning hours, say one ‘o clock, before clouds take visible form in the black-but-really-deep-blue sky, I watch the Moon through the same windows where the clouds will soon be. The Moon, in her guardianship of millenia of human genius and ignorance, is a tremendous comfort.
I willingly relinquish control to the sky, to the stars, to the deep blue infinity. In doing so, I somehow feel stronger. The time I spend trying to control what I cannot control is like fighting an undertow.
We cannot control the death of parents, and even though we try our best, we cannot control the destiny of our bodies. In spite of all the efforts we put into commitment, sometimes our partners will not be committed.
And so, I am taught to admit that great strength lies in surrender. There’s something zen about that, but I don’t really know what it is.
Yet.
1 Comment
Posted in Writing from the heart
Tagged Commentary, creative nonfiction, essay, values and spirituality, world view